


Matchsticks and Poison

by orphan_account



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Lots of Cursing, M/M, Suicidal Ideation, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, character/relationship list will be updated as more characters appear, just takes place in that universe, not actually tokyo ghoul really, there's not a single cishet character here lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>basically hatoful boyfriend in the tokyo ghoul universe, centered around kazuaki nanaki</p><p>to be updated with a less shitty summary later</p>
            </blockquote>





	Matchsticks and Poison

**Author's Note:**

> so i'm?? starting a new fic??  
> at the moment, i don't really have a plan for it, so regular updates can't be expected  
> however, i am p excited for this idea, if i'm being honest?? so this one is being tackled with slight enthusiasm
> 
> sorry for the lack of capitalization again, i'm just,, too damn lazy rn rip

hunger.

unbearable hunger.

that was what finally drove kazuaki out of his apartment.

the half-ghoul hadn't had much problem with food as a human. he had always ordered pizza, or had groceries delivered -- but you couldn't exactly have human flesh delivered straight to your door. that sort of thing, if people even sold it, would certainly raise a few brows. worse, if you didn't notice it immediately, it would start to stink. oh, but maybe that would be easier, in the end. after all, the boy hated going outside even on normal circumstances. and now? he had to hunt what used to be his own kind. he had to _eat_ them. it wasn't an activity he looked forward to.

at first, he had just tried to force down human food, but it was absolutely _revolting_. it was hard to believe that, not too long ago, he had actually enjoyed it. after that, he had discovered that he could still drink coffee -- and then attempted to live on it. that didn't end well, of course. next, and where he was now, he had tried completely starving himself. the gnawing, seemingly endless stomach pains were quick to drive him towards a new solution. an inhuman one.

god, maybe he should just _die_. after all, what good was he doing anyone?

too human to be a ghoul, too ghoulish to be human -- sick fucks like him had no place in this world. now he was reviled for more than just his status as a hikikomori. he was worse now, since the most he was doing was causing people pain.

and yet, he was too cowardly to even attempt anything. the mere thought of preparing a rope, finding a knife, digging up a bottle of pills -- it sent him scurrying back under his covers. pathetic.

he wasn't sure how many days it had been before he had cracked under the pressure. he left his apartment at midnight, in the hopes that there'd be less people outside when he... jesus, was he too much of a wimp to even think of what he was going to do? but maybe keeping his mind off of it would keep his tears at bay. his chest felt tight as he walked, but he wasn't sure if it was the unrelenting fear or his binder. maybe it wasn't the best idea to wear it if he was doing this, since there'd be a lot of running, but the thought of going outside without it sent chills down his spine. besides, he'd packed a sports bra in his bag -- which he had decided to carry for the sake of transporting whatever was left over from his meal -- if things got rough.

there weren't really any bathrooms nearby, but he'd figure something out.

ah, up ahead -- was that movement?

silhouetted against the dark background of the city was a human figure. and he could smell them from here... shit, was he actually _drooling_? and his eye -- hopefully it hadn't changed. kakugan, he had heard it called on a news report. for some reason, though, only one eye was affected. maybe it had something to do with the fact that he had been human first.

the human was steadily coming closer, and he felt _something_  twist around his heart. dread? whatever it was, it filled him with panic. he kept his head ducked down, letting his shaggy blonde bangs obscure his eyes. apparently, the person had caught sight of his kakugan, though -- judging by the shocked "dude, what happened to your eye?" that escaped their lips.

he stopped, his muscles tensing up. goddamn it. what was he supposed to do?

"do you need to go to the hospital?" they continued, reaching forward. their hand rested gently on his arm. "i could take you, if you-"

 _"don't touch me."_  kazuaki's voice came out as more of a snarl than he had anticipated, and he gave them a sharp glare. the person shrank back, removing their hand, and he immediately felt bad. he forced himself to relax, trying to ignore the stinging in his eyes. fuck. just... fuck. nothing was working out. he was a failure. a goddamn _failure_. "i... i'm sorry. i'm fine. thanks for the offer." he wasn't entirely sure that the last part was audible, as he had turned his head away, but he saw them nod out of the corner of his eye.

"alright... take care."

kazuaki was too distracted to do much more than mumble a 'you too', too busy wrapped up in his own thoughts to watch as they walked away. he was lucky that the stranger hadn't recognized that he was a ghoul. or maybe they had, and their intent had been to drag him away to the ccg. maybe they were off making a call, already reporting him. what if he was in danger? what if he was about to be killed? or maybe they had just thought he had an infection or something. that he'd just been staring at a screen for too long. maybe they could tell that he was just a useless, good-for-nothing neet. god, he could already hear the jeers.

"what was _that_?" the voice was more amused than judging. kazuaki whirled around, momentarily forgetting about his eye in his rush. he was faced with someone was standing surprisingly close. the person had dark brown hair, and eyes that almost matched that color. he had a bright red scarf wrapped around his neck, a shock of color against his otherwise grey outfit. he was a bit taller than kazuaki -- although really, everyone was. "you just let that human escape?" he sounded almost... surprised?

kazuaki blinked, swallowing thickly. god, his throat was dry. maybe it was his hunger. or the fact that he felt like he had just been caught trying to take a cookie out of the cookie jar. "yeah. i did." was this person a ghoul? a human? was he trustworthy?

his next words were more of a mumble, something he didn't really think about. they slipped out like he'd said them a thousand times before, which wasn't too far off the mark. "i can't even do _this_  right. maybe i should just die." he felt something warm and wet slip down his cheek. great, now he was crying. wimp.

"i know the feeling." kazuaki looked up, and was shocked to find that the stranger actually looked sincere. "but i can help you, if you want. since you're new to this. after all..." when he blinked, both of his eyes were a glaring red. _kakugan_. "ghouls have to stick together, right?"

\--

they talked briefly as hitori -- hitori uzune was the ghoul's name, or at least the one kazuaki had been given -- led the way, presumably following the escaped human. the flow of the conversation had been... nice. hitori seemed understanding, and sympathetic to kazuaki's plight. he didn't act like he _blamed_  him for anything.

the steady stream of chatter was interrupted as hitori suddenly stuck his arm out, blocking kazuaki's path. in what seemed like the blink of an eye, wings had appeared on his back. though, perhaps they weren't 'wings', exactly. they appeared almost like fire, made of all sorts of colors. _beautiful_ , was the first word to come to the blonde's mind. "there. just up ahead." hitori's voice came out as curt, a sharp contrast to earlier's soft, patient tone.

and indeed, the person before the pair was the same one from before. they were walking slowly now, their eyes glued to something kazuaki couldn't see -- their phone, presumably. "i'll take care of this." kazuaki couldn't help but feel that there were unspoken words hovering between them. _i don't want you to help. you'll only drag me down._  was that what hitori was implying?

before kazuaki could open his mouth to respond, hitori was lunging forward. he didn't give the human time to react, and though kazuaki turned his head away, he couldn't miss the sick squishing noises, or the soft _thump_  as they collapsed. he felt bile rising in his throat, but at the same time, he couldn't deny the _hunger_  that rose up inside of him, ensnaring him.

hitori turned back towards him, that cheerful and perhaps slightly sympathetic grin still on his face. "take as much as you want. i'm not that hungry."

and that was all it took.

\--

kazuaki didn't know how he was supposed to feel. disgusted? absolutely repulsed? full? content? he couldn't deny the shame rising up in him, but he couldn't deny the eager he'd snapped the bones, the way the meat tasted... he let out a sigh, doing his best to blink away tears. leaning back against the wall -- they had moved the body into an alley, to eat in peace -- and wiping blood away from his mouth. "...thanks, uzune."

"no worries." hitori actually sounded sincere about it. "hey, hand me your phone for a moment?"

kazuaki shrugged, digging the device out of his pocket and holding it out. hitori took it, talking as he punched something in. "i have to go now, since the kids will probably be up soon, but here's my number. text me if you need any help, alright?" he handed it back over, and kazuaki pocketed it.

"oh, you have kids?" there was something perhaps akin to jealousy in kazuaki's voice. to his surprise, hitori let out a laugh.

"they're not _my_  kids, exactly. i guess you could call them my siblings. we grew up in the same orphanage, and since i'm the oldest, i take care of everyone." hitori explained. kazuaki briefly wondered what the director did, if hitori was so take-charge, but maybe it didn't matter.

jeez, just listening to the words made him feel painfully inadequate. hitori worked to practically raise all of his siblings, he probably had a job, and he went out of his way to help some useless shit. meanwhile, what was kazuaki doing? hiding out in his room because he was afraid of being hurt, afraid of being told exactly how pathetic he was?

\--

once hitori had left, kazuaki knelt down, picking up whatever was left of the meal and stuffing it into his bag. thank god he'd had the foresight to bring it. he moved the sports bra to another pocket, seeing as he didn't want to get blood all over it. he was a little concerned about the bag's material, but he didn't have time to think about that. it was black, anyways, so hopefully the scarlet coloring wouldn't be as prominent.

as he left the scene, speed-walking as quickly as his somewhat short legs could carry him, his thoughts started to drift.

maybe with hitori around, being a ghoul wouldn't be so bad, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> /i feel like hitori is super ooc oh no
> 
> but yeah, thanks for reading!!  
> more characters will prob be introduced in the next chapter or two


End file.
